I think scott just propositioned me for sex
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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