The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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