Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I think I sprained my soul last night
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
