I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
