please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
