I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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