yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
