I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
okay pat passed out under dana's car
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
