My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
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