I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
