Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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