i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
