life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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