I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
