WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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