somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
