the new term for farting is butt boxing.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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