I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
