I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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