You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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