i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
