Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
