Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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