You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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