Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
