Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
