i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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