I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
