if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Randomize
