I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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