I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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