I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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