Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
