The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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