If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
