Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
