fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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