so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
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he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
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I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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