after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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