Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
