Even water is tasting like jack daniels
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
