apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
