dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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