Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize