It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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