you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
