Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so let's talk penis.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
