This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
