I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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