Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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