I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
