Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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