Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
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