i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
