yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
