I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
