who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
