Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
