i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
