I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
