she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
