Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
