Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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