I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
